Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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