The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
