Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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