It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So squirting runs in the family.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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