you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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