you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
