I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
