I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
