You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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