Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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