You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
