and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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