Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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