Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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