hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
