hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
