theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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