I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
