You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
