He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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