I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
