If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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