I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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