she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
