you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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