Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
