is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
