help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
