you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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