I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
