I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
