My first STD was from a foam party
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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