youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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