My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
