I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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