Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
