I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
