don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
