I'm eating all of the evidence.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
