Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
pop tarts are not kleenex
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS