No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?