I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I love having hate sex.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize