we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."