Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe