is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals