It's Friday. Sex?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
