and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
