Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
