The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
