If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were trust falling into bushes
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
