Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
