dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
