I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
