just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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