somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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