that's an acceptable place to lick
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
