I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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