at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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