tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
