Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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