Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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