I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
