ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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