I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Damn victory sex feels great
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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