I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's blow job season.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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