All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
